how do you write the biography of a color?
a long time ago: pink was born.
pink had lots of friends.
then pink was taken hostage
got a life-sentence, had to serve it in this
foreign land called “gender”
how do you write a romance novel about a color?
is the color the protagonist or the villain? does the color love you back?
at age 2 i refused to wear anything but pink
by age 11 i stopped.
substituted the floral and lisa frank for a pair of grey slacks.
the thing is: i was desi. which meant my mom didn’t let me near Hot Topic
which meant the closest i was permitted to goth was a pair of grey dress shoes,
slacks, and a knit sweater,
from spelling bee to blasting Evanescence in my room,
i was ready for anything
how do you host a funeral for a color?
where does it take place? was it when they pushed you down?
was it when they called you a faggot? was it when you feared for your life?
not only from their hands, but yours? was it when you
began to fear everything you used to love? is that when it died, the color?
when you feared everything you used to love
these days i still fear everything i used to love.
see the magazines say “girl power” wonder
what kind of a girl does pink love?
what kind of girl does pink punish?
wonder when does their romance novel become
our horror film?
want to shout at the feminists but don’t know how:
the only pink i was allowed to keep was the one in my mouth
so i used it so much at some point it became photo studio
full of negatives i’m still trying to process
every time i speak about it a couple of old polaroids come out
of a boy wearing pink, a girl wearing blue,
a body before the storm:
puberty OR a natural disaster
it’s not that i wanted to be a girl
i wanted to be pink.
it’s not that i wanted to be fragile,
i wanted permission to be fragile
it’s not that i wanted to be weak,
i wanted to be offered help.
at my funeral make sure they dress me in a pink birthday dress,
frilly and superfluous.
lower me down,
come to life.
support the author