to the gay men who call me fabulous but never beautiful:
at 18 i said i was gay NOT! flamboyant
auto correct: when i told the world i hated myself, it said “welcome”
gave me a standing ovation, an honorary degree, and a life-long subscription
at 21 i put on a dress
“interested in: men”
interested in: “my own destruction”
when i first kissed a boy he said he always wanted to be with a real man
i have been unable to tell the difference between his fantasy and my body
“gender” is not the same as “sexuality”
the difference between “gender” and “sexuality” is a fiction
let’s be more specific: is a love story.
is who gets taken home and who is left alone.
the more visible i am the more invisible i am.
the more feminine i am the less desirable i am.
the more authentic i am the more lonely i am.
when i look at myself and what i have become i cry
i cannot tell if i am celebrating or mourning
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